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This board is Socket-F: old enough to have been out of production for ~5 years. You can't even buy them from Supermicro at this point.

At some point I must have seemed annoyed enough to satisfy...

With knoppix running I checked dmesg and there was nothing reported by the memory scrubber.

trying to run memtest86 from any of the distros leaves me back at the kernel-choice menu in ~1 sec.

Opterion server board, was working happily, then I tried adding a PCI-e USB 3.0 card. Would not reboot after poweron, even if the card is removed.
Goes through bios, hits grub, gets to "Loading...